Ephesians 5
The Children of Light
Why does Paul tell the Gentile disciples in Ephesus that they must no longer live as Gentiles? In what way are Gentile disciples of Yeshua supposed to live like Jews? Paul offers his readers practical guidance for their new life with God's people.
In chapter 4 of the book of Ephesians, Paul spoke about walking in a manner worthy of our calling as disciples. He warned the Ephesian Gentile disciples that they must "no longer walk as the Gentiles do" (Ephesians 4:17). In chapter 5, Paul continues his discourse on righteous living with practical instructions that distinguish between Israel and the idolatrous world of the nations from which the Ephesian disciples have come. If the Gentile disciples are to walk in a manner worthy of their calling, they must no longer live like idolaters. Paul refers to the people of the world and the idolatrous nations as the sons of disobedience and the children of darkness. He refers to the Jewish people as the holy ones (saints) of Israel and to the disciples of Yeshua as the children of God and the children of light.
The idolatrous world of Paul's day corresponds to today's secular world. They aren't that different. The darkness of the idolatrous world and the darkness of the secular world are the same: ignorance of God. The children of God, on the other hand, walk in the light of God's revelation.
Imitators of God
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love. (Ephesians 5:1-2)
Paul says that if we want to be considered sons and daughters of our Father in heaven, we should imitate God in how we treat others. That means walking in love. The imitation of God is the meaning of the English word "godliness." The Torah refers to it as "walking in God's ways."
In the Torah, Moses says, "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul" (Deuteronomy 10:12). The sages asked, "What does it mean to 'walk in all his ways'? How can a human being be expected to walk in the ways of the Almighty?" The explanation is that it means imitating God and walking in godliness:
Just as He clothes the naked, as it is written [in Genesis 3:21], "The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife, and clothed them," so too should you also clothe the naked. The Holy One, blessed be He, visited the sick, as it is written [in Genesis 18:1], "Now the LORD appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre" [while he was still recovering from circumcision], so too should you also visit the sick. The Holy One, blessed be He, comforted mourners, as it is written [in Genesis 25:11], "After the death of Abraham, that God blessed his son Isaac," so too should you also comfort mourners. The Holy One, blessed be He, buried the dead, as it is written in Deuteronomy 34:6], "And He buried him in the valley in the land of Moab," so too should you also bury the dead. (b.Sotah 14a)
In Ephesians 5:1, where Paul tells his readers to imitate God "as beloved children," he specifically refers to forgiving each other for shortcomings and sins. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children" (Ephesians 4:32-5:1). When I find it difficult to forgive my debtors and those who have transgressed against me, I need to remember that I rely upon God's forgiveness of my own sins and shortcomings in Messiah. If I desire God's forgiveness, it is incumbent upon me to forgive others. This is what it says in Midrash Sifre regarding the mitzvah of walking in the ways of God:
Just as the Holy One, blessed be He, is called merciful, so you should be merciful; just as He is called gracious, so you should be gracious; just as He is called righteous, so you should be called righteous; just as He is called devout, so you should be devout. (Sifre on Deuteronomy 10:12)
Sacrifice of Love
Paul summarizes the concept with the words, "Walk in love":
Walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:2)
There is no higher calling, no higher mitzvah, no higher form of godliness than to treat our fellow human beings with love. Yeshua says, "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13), and he models the principle of sacrificial and selfless love for others in laying down his own life. Paul compares the Messiah's willing death on behalf of others to a sacrifice offered up to God on the fires of the altar, to which the Torah refers as "a fragrant aroma to the LORD."
Likewise, in imitation of Messiah, we sacrifice our own self-interest on behalf of others as an act of love. God receives that setting aside of the will and setting aside of the self as if it were a sacrifice offered to him on his altar. When we forgive others for the wrongs that they have done to us, God receives that gesture as a divine act of worship on par with the sacritices offered in the Temple.
This principle of walking in love summarizes the manner of conduct for a disciple of Yeshua.
Two Different Worlds
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. (Ephesians 5:3)
The apostle enjoins the disciples in Ephesus to adopt Jewish standards of conduct and piety, conforming their behavior to "what is proper" among the holy ones. He refers here to the wide discrepancy that existed between the moral norms and standards of the Jewish world and the norms and standards of the idolatrous Gentile nations of the time. The Roman world celebrated impurity, greed, covetousness, sensuality, and sexual immorality. It was a world that celebrated personal ambition and the acquisition of power. It was a world dedicated to elite debaucheries, a world swimming in a sea of immorality. This was the world of Nero's Rome, a world that would make even Hollywood blush.
The Jewish world, on the other hand, looked prudish by comparison because the Jewish people conducted themselves according to the biblical values of modesty, discretion, morality, marital fidelity, and the high standards of the Torah. A greater contrast between worlds can hardly be conceived. Paul refers to it as the contrast between light and darkness.
When the Gentile disciples in Ephesus became part of the same body with the Jewish disciples of Yeshua, they, too, became saints, holy ones, set apart from the rest of the world. Therefore, it was not appropriate for them to behave like the rest of the world. For the rest of the people living in Ephesus and Asia Minor, immorality, impurity, and greed were the common, everyday values. But among the disciples of Yeshua, there shouldn't even be a mention of such things —not even a suspicion of their presence.
The same sharp divide should exist today between the disciples of Yeshua and the secular world. Sexual immorality, impurity, and greed should not be found among those who call themselves by our Master's holy name. A few years ago, we saw a social upheaval called the #MeToo movement. It started when women began coming forward with reports of being sexually manipulated by men who occupied positions of authority over them in the workplace. No one was surprised. Many objected that it was the way of things. That's just the way the world behaves and always has behaved. The powerful take advantage of the weak. Men take advantage of women. That's the way the world has always worked.
But the people of God are supposed to be different. That's why it was such a disappointment to see so many prominent pastors and religious figures exposed to the world as predators and seducers. Victims came forward with reports of how their pastors and religious leaders had taken advantage of them. Immorality, impurity, and greed were named among the so-called people of God. It was embarrassing and a chillul HaShem—a desecration of God's holy name. (It became even more embarrassing when the people who traditionally champion family values turned against the victims and became the defenders of immorality, impurity, and greed as if these things were men's inalienable rights.) God forbid that such things should even be mentioned in association with disciples of our Master.
Conversation of the Saints
Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. (Ephesians 5:4)
Paul contrasts the conversation of the saints with that of the people of the world. In the Midrash, the sages point out how even the conversation of the servants in Abraham's household centered on godliness, and even the lowly servants received revelations through angels.
The world speaks the language of filthiness, folly, cruelty, obscenity, and crude jokes. The people of the world clutter their conversation with profanity, and their perverse sense of humor sullies both the mouth of the one who speaks and the ear of the one who hears. That's fine for the people of the world, but it's inappropriate for the people of God.
Paul invites his readers to sanctify themselves from the nations by replacing the filthy talk, foul language, and obscenities that pass for normal conversation with words of thanksgiving and gratitude. With our words, we can elevate or lower both the one speaking and the one listening.
Sons of Belial
One might mistakenly suppose that these rules of conduct are merely a matter of cultural difference and Jewish custom-nothing more than suggested standards of behavior. On the contrary, Paul sounds deadly serious. He warns the disciples in Ephesus that if they behave like idolaters, they will face the same fate as idolaters:
For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. (Ephesians 5:5)
Idolaters have no inheritance in the Messianic Era. Neither will those who walk in their ways or imitate their culture. Paul warns the Ephesian disciples that it's not sufficient to call themselves disciples if there is no difference between them and the idolatrous world. The same is true for us. If we share the immorality, impurity, covetousness, consumerism, and greed that characterizes the secular world, we should expect no inheritance in the Messianic Era. Many today would object and say, "But surely we are saved by grace, and our sins are forgiven!"
Paul replies:
Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them. (Ephesians 5:6-7)
We dare not persist in the ways of disobedience while expecting to receive the reward of obedience. The term "sons of disobedience" translates the Biblical Hebrew idiom "sons of Belial." If we partake of the pleasures, vices, and sinful indulgences enjoyed by the sons of disobedience, we can expect to also partake in the wrath God allots to the sons of Belial.
Sons of Light
Paul concedes that before they became disciples of Yeshua, the Ephesian disciples were numbered among the sons of disobedience, but that was no longer the case:
For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light. (Ephesians 5:8)
The sectarian literature in the Dead Sea Scrolls uses this same terminology, dividing the world into children of light and children of darkness. The Dead Sea Scrolls anticipate a future apocalypse and final battle between light and darkness, waged by the children of light and the children of darkness. Paul similarly uses the terminology to contrast the people of God (Israel and the Gentile disciples) against the idolatrous world (the nations).
Light and darkness metaphorically represent good and evil, but in this case, they also symbolize knowledge and ignorance. In the previous chapter, Paul characterized the idolatrous world as "darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them" (Ephesians 4:18). Like them, the disciples in Ephesus were at one time "separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world" (Ephesians 2:12). Through the message of the gospel, however, they were enlightened to the revelation of the one God, the God of Israel. With that enlightenment and revelation came responsibility. They were no longer in the darkness of ignorance and must no longer live as the children of darkness do. Instead, the disciples had become "light in the Lord" and must henceforth "walk as children of Light."
The Fruit of Light
For the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true, and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:9-10)
No longer living in the darkness of ignorance like their idolatrous neighbors, it now fell to the Gentile disciples of Yeshua in Ephesus to walk as the children of light, trying to learn "what is pleasing to the Lord," namely, the pursuit of goodness, righteousness, and truth. Paul mixes his metaphors. The "fruit of light" is all that is good and right and true. If we are children of the light, we should be bearing a harvest of goodness, righteousness, and truth. Therefore, a disciple of Yeshua asks himself or herself, in every situation, "Is this pleasing to the LORD? Is this good? Is this right? Is this true?"
This is the standard by which we are to conduct ourselves. It's a sort of litmus test you can apply to your life. You can ask yourself these questions about the company you keep, the friends you are hanging out with, the places you are going, the party you are attending, the things you are doing, the things on which you spend your money, the entertainments you are watching, the things you are reading, the people who are influencing you, the movies, the music, the websites, your social media feed, and the way that you interact with others. In all things, in all these situations and places, with all these people and friends, you should be asking yourself, "Is this good? Is this right? Is this true? Is this pleasing to the LORD?"
How would a former idolater from Ephesus know what is good, right, true, and pleasing to the LORD? Where can these new disciples find the meaning of goodness? Where will they find the standards of righteousness? Where will they find the revelation of truth? The same place that we will find them: in the Scriptures of Israel, in the Torah of Moses, and in the words of the Master transmitted through his apostles, the revelation of God to human beings.
The Fruit of Darkness
The fruit of the light is everything good, right, and true. What is the fruit of darkness? We don't really need a list. We know the fruit of darkness, and we are to have no part in it:
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. (Ephesians 5:11-14)
Light dispels darkness. We should not need a list of prohibited behaviors, and it shouldn't be necessary to discuss "the unfruitful works of darkness because, when exposed to the light, darkness vanishes. For disciples of Yeshua, "It is shameful even to speak of the things that (the idolaters] do in secret." Paul has in mind the vices and the entertainments of the Roman world. The banquets and symposiums, the drinking halls, the flute players, the slave girls and slave boys, the orgies, the theaters, the games, the spectacles, the stadiums, the gross indulgence in immorality and every vice. It is shameful for a disciple to even speak of such things. Such things should not be named among us. If we are of the light, it should be completely obvious that we don't participate in those activities or dabble in that world.
The Light of Messiah
We are of the light because the light of the Messiah has shined upon us, which is to say that we have experienced the revelation of God that comes through Yeshua:
Therefore it says, "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." (Ephesians 5:14)
In Ephesians 5:14, Paul quotes a short passage from an unknown source. Joseph Good suggests that Paul might have been quoting from an early Rosh HaShanah liturgy regarding the sounding of the shofar. Just as the shofar of Messiah is destined to raise the dead slumbering in their tombs, likewise, the shofar should awaken our slumbering souls from the coma of sin to shake off their lethargy and repent. This corresponds to what Maimonides said about the voice of the shofar at Rosh HaShanah:
It is as if the shofar is saying, "Wake up, sleepers from your sleep, and you who slumber, arise. Consider your deeds, repent, remember your Maker." To those who forget the truth and are distracted by empty pursuits the entire year, to those who devote their energy to vanity and emptiness which will not benefit or save, the shofar says, "Look to your souls. Improve your ways and your deeds and let every one of you abandon his evil path and thoughts." (Maimonides, Hilchot Teshuvah 3:4)
Use Your Time Wisely
Maimonides says, "Consider your deeds ….. Look to your souls." Paul says,
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5:15-17)
He reminds his readers that time is short. He says, "The days are evil'" meaning that these are troubled times, and the end is surely near. We don't have any time to waste. The time to repent is now. It doesn't work to plan on becoming godly sometime in the future. For the disciple of Yeshua, who knows that there is a coming judgment at which he or she must give an account before the throne of God, every minute is precious.
A clever businessman carefully invests his limited resources only into merchandise that will bring him a good return. Our limited resource is our time. There's only so much time in a day, in a week, in a year, in a lifetime. When it runs out, it's gone. We should be making the best use of what we have left by investing it into those things that will bring the best return, and that is to "understand what the will of the Lord is." Torah, mitzvot, goodness, righteousness, and truth.
Drunk and Disorderly
Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit. (Ephesians 5:18)
Ephesians 5:18 often gets quoted as if it is a New Testament prohibition on alcohol consumption. It's not. But neither should its warning be disregarded. It's a boundary we should be careful not to cross. If you drink at all, if alcohol is in your life, you are in danger. Alcohol is an addictive drug, and there's a basic rule of human biology and physiology that says if you take an addictive drug in sufficient quantity often enough and long enough, you will get addicted. I don't need to lecture about the dangers of alcohol. Suffice it to say that alcohol, in any form, is a dangerous drug that causes a disproportionate amount of sorrow in the world.
It was no different in the Roman world, in which the highlight of the idolatrous life was a night of alcohol-fueled revelry with all its associated indulgences. In Galatians 5, Paul lists out the indulgences one might anticipate while out on a bender or a night on the town in the Roman world: "Sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God" (Galatians 5:19-21). That's a snapshot of the Roman world, a grocery list of options for evening activities.
Have things changed so much since then? The secular world has the same ambition, and more than ever, our society considers alcohol to be the elixir of life. Debauchery is the goal. Dissipation is the destination. Debauchery means overindulgence and gluttony. Dissipation is addiction and substance abuse. The Greek word asotia, translated here as "debauchery," means wastefulness. It's the idea that you had enough wine in that wineskin to last you a week, and you drank it all in one go.
The life of debauchery and drunkenness is not for disciples. Alcohol should not hold sway over us as it does over the secular world. This is supposed to be one of the defining differences between them and us. If we drink as much or more than the secular world, something is wrong.
Psalms, Hymns, Spiritual Songs
Be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart. (Ephesians 5:18-19)
Our goal in life is not to get hammered and have such a good time partying that we don't remember it the next morning. Instead of the intoxication of alcohol, a disciple of Yeshua should be seeking the exhilaration that comes from being filled with the Spirit of God. Instead of a night of rowdy drinking songs and bawdy entertainment common to the symposiums of the idolatrous world, the disciples of Yeshua are "addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Ephesians 5:18-20).
With these words, Paul sought to paint a picture of an alternative world, one with a completely different set of values from the world to which the Gentiles of his day were accustomed. It's also a different world from the one to which the secular people of our day are accustomed. It's like the difference between light and dark.
In the world of the children of light, our common language is supposed to be the language of psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. The "psalms" Paul had in mind are the Psalms of David, but the early believers also wrote their own psalms in imitation of David's. The word "hymns" is better translated as "odes" a popular genre of lyrical poem or song written to celebrate some celebrity, athlete, hero, political leader, deity, or idea. The early believers wrote odes about Messiah. You can read a collection of them in the Odes of Solomon. "Spiritual songs," I believe, refer to wordless melodies like the Chasidic niggunim, which are, in themselves, supposed to be imbued with a portion of the spirit of prophecy.
The Children of Light
Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:20)
Instead of a society of people devoted to getting smashed and wallowing together in the muck of human depravity, Paul paints a picture of a community dedicated to exalting the Messiah and lifting one another spiritually higher. It's a community characterized by a spirit of gratitude in which the watchword is thanksgiving. These people are animated with gratitude for the goodness that God has shown them through the Messiah. Their world is one of Baruch HaShem ("Bless the LORD"), and every occasion is an opportunity to offer a blessing to God in thanksgiving for his goodness. There's a brachah ("blessing") for everything.
In his letter to the disciples of Colossae, Paul repeats this idyllic depiction of a community of Yeshua's disciples interacting with one another in reciting the words of the Master, teaching the Scriptures, encouraging one another in godliness, and delighting together in song and thanksgiving:
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:16-17)
These people are not like the rest of the world. What's happening here isn't normal. Disciples of Yeshua are a completely different breed of human beings.
A Profound Mystery
Moving beyond the Jew-Gentile distinction, Paul considers other relationships affected by the Messiah, starting with the profound mystery of marriage.
During the forty days before a leun, acts people take account, creating a Cheshbon HaNefesh, an accounting of our own souls, searching out our hearts, as King David said, "Search me ... try me... and see if there be any grievous way in me" (Psalm 139:23-24). We make what rectifications and repairs we can, offering restitution when necessary and working toward reconciliation wherever possible. Ordinarily, for most people, most of the work needs to be done in our closest relationships. Those we love the most tend to be the ones we hurt the most. That's why living at peace with one another in a community is so difficult. Not because we hate each other, but because we love one another. Because we are a family. That's why living at peace with your family is so difficult. Not because you hate one another, but because you love one another and are so invested in one another.
In Ephesians 5, Paul speaks about these types of relationships, particularly the marriage relationship. He refers to marriage as a "profound mystery." By that remark, he does not mean that "men are from Mars and women are from Venus" or that "you can't live with them and can't live without them." By referring to marriage as a "profound mystery," he invokes the language of Jewish mysticism. A "mystery" is an esoteric secret on the level of sod, the deepest level of biblical interpretation.
The Heavenly Man
Paul did not write the Epistle to the Ephesians to offer marital counsel. The principal concern behind Paul's letter to the Ephesians pertains to the symbiotic relationship between Israel and the nations. This relationship finds expression in the seemingly dichotomous poles of unity and distinction within the school of Yeshua's disciples. Paul describes the body of Messiah as a spiritual entity composed of many different parts. The various parts come together to constitute one metaphysical entity, but the parts are not identical. The various parts of the body have their unique roles and functions, but they share in the common unity of the collective entity to serve as the physical presence of Messiah on earth until his return. This is to teach us the principle of unity and differentiation. Oneness does not entail a loss of individual identity. Oneness is not sameness:
As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. (1 Corinthians 12:20)
Paul describes the body as "one new man" likening us to a single human being. It's not just a convenient metaphor; it has theological significance pertaining to the resurrection of the dead. The spiritual essence, which is our sense of self, our neshamah, lacks distinction and definition until it becomes associated with a human body. We derive individuality, distinction, identity, and personality through our association with our human body. These are gifts that the human body's limitations bestow upon the otherwise limitless and unbounded spirit. Compressed into a limited awareness and forced into identification with a finite human body, our spirits take on shape and definition, so to speak. They become differentiated.
This is the reason for the future resurrection of the dead. The physicality of the human body anchors man's otherwise undefined spiritual aspect, lest we be reabsorbed into the Light from which we were birthed and in which there is neither shadow nor variation. We do not seek a state of nirvana where our ego ceases to be. Instead, we are to retain distinction, differentiated even in unity with the Source, even in the World to Come. Therefore, resurrection is the central idea of the salvation of the soul. Without resurrection, the soul's individuality is lost and reabsorbed into the Light.
Distinction Theology in the Body of Messiah
These are the higher mystical ideas knocking around in Paul's head as he works out the shape of the assembly of Messiah on paper in the book of Ephesians. Paul believes that these esoteric ideas, which are hallmarks of Pharisaic cosmology, find expression in this world through the resurrection of the physical body of Yeshua of Nazareth and his ascension to the Father, a precursor of the future resurrection of the righteous. Meanwhile, until then, his school of disciples remains here as his representatives on earth to stand in for him. No single disciple can take his place or claim to be the Son of God, but we are all elevated to the level of sons and daughters by kinship with him, as members of the same spiritual family with the same Father. Together, we become the Messiah on earth. That's what it means to be members of the body of Messiah. In the physical body of Messiah on earth, there remains physical distinction. Paul expresses the same concept in Galatians in these words:
For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:27-28)
In this saying, Paul does not discount the distinctions between the Jews and Gentiles, between slave and free, and between male and female. He does not blur the boundaries between the nations or between the genders, nor does he attempt to diminish the sober social reality of slavery in the Roman world. Instead, he appeals to a higher sense of unity that ought to transcend distinctions of nation, gender, and class. That higher sense of unity is derived from our common and shared identity in Yeshua.
On this basis, Paul argues in all of his epistles that Jewish and Gentile disciples should offer one another mutual respect, dignity, and honor, affirming each other's unique callings and submitting to one another in love. Likewise, husbands should love their wives and treat them with the honor and dignity befitting a co-heir of salvation, and wives should submit to their husbands and grant them honor and respect. Children should honor and obey their parents, and parents should not disregard the dignity of their children. Slaves should serve their human masters honestly and diligently as if they labored for Yeshua, their true Master. Slave owners should not mistreat their slaves or deal with them harshly, remembering that they are brothers in Messiah. All this is the outworking and natural application of distinction theology.
Submit to One Another
These are the types of distinctions Paul has in mind when he offers us this idyllic snapshot of the community of Messiah:
Address one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:19-21)
When he says that we should submit to one another "out of reverence for Messiah," it should be understood to mean, "Submit to one another as if you were submitting to the Messiah."
Paul wants Jewish and Gentile disciples to submit to one another, outdoing one another in according honor to each other, each one looking to the other as if the other were the Messiah himself. The principle applies not just to relationships between Jews and Gentiles within the body of the Messiah but to all of us with one another. The rule of thumb is that we should offer deference to our brother or our sister in Messiah as we would for the Messiah himself. This calls for a high level of humility.
Subduing the Ego
If you ever feel like your ego is bruised, if you feel insulted, if you feel that you have not received the respect that you deserve, if your feathers get ruffled, this is the work of the Spirit indicating areas in your life where you have yet to apply this principle of "submitting to one another out of reverence for the Messiah." It calls not for a total abnegation of the ego, which is the same as the disappearance of the individual, but rather for a conquest of the ego. God does not seek the dissolution of the self or the individual, as some Eastern religions do. Instead, as the Baal Shem Tov said, our job is to subdue the evil inclination and bring it into the service of God and the love of God along with our good inclination.
Imagine a community governed by such a principle, in which no one is on the warpath to defend the self or prop up the ego. Where no one feels the need to assert power over another, and no one has an ego to bruise or feelings to hurt. That's a picture of the kingdom. This is what Yeshua envisioned when he spoke of taking the lower seat, of the least being greatest, the last being first, the first being last, and "whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Matthew 20:26-28). This concept of "submitting to one another" as if submitting to the Messiah is utterly disruptive to an honor-based society. It's disruptive to us. It's utterly contrary to the normal human tendency.
We go just the opposite direction, wanting others to submit to us, serve our needs, acknowledge our rank, and bestow flatteries to prop up our egos. Facebook created a platform that allowed people to find affirmation for their egos in the form of "likes" and thumbs-ups and other social media accolades, launching a whole new universe of self-absorption. Such a combination is utterly addictive to the ego-more addictive than heroin: a steady drip of bite-sized morsels of social approval and validation.
The self is insatiable. The more you feed the self, the hungrier it becomes. People try to quench their inner pain and sense of inadequacy by slathering the wounded ego with self-aggrandizement, power, position, prestige, possessions, and whatever else makes them feel important. Others continuously apply and reapply the balm of self-pity, blame, and resentment, bathing their wounded egos in bitterness and victimization. However, neither remedy works. We can see how this toxic stew of self-absorption has the potential to sour every human relationship, especially our relationships with those closest to us. That's human dysfunction.
What's the solution? The solution is to find our identity in the new man, which is Messiah, in whose body each of us has a function and a role to play. We need not concern ourselves with our own sense of self because each of us belongs to a greater self. We defer one to another within this greater self, submitting one to another as if to the Master. "The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I have no need of you, nor again the head to the feet, 'I have no need of you"" (1 Corinthians 12:21).
Husbands and Wives
Paul extends this principle to address family relationships, and he offers a few words to address the marital relationship between a husband and a wife:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. (Ephesians 5:22-23)
It's easy to perceive Paul's instructions to women as patriarchal and a little chauvinistic by today's standards. But they're not intended that way. Instead, Paul seeks to lift the relationship between a man and his wife out of dysfunction to a spiritual plane of mutual submission modeled on the relationship between Yeshua and his disciples. Women were not treated well in the Roman world, and wives had few rights. Judaism looked positively progressive and nearly egalitarian by comparison with the rest of the world.
Judaism introduced the Bible's view of women to the pagan world —a view where husbands and wives were deemed equal and opposite partners, like two halves of a single being. In fact, that's the traditional Jewish interpretation of the creation of human beings. The first male and female were severed halves of the same being, the same creature. From the Bible's perspective, women are not property. They have rights and dignity and protections under the Torah. They cannot be used and discarded.
In Paul's view, every home reflects the union of Messiah and his disciples, which is itself a microcosm of the union of God and Israel and, ultimately, of God and all humanity. Accordingly, every home is a spiritual unit in the greater spiritual unity and part of a spiritual hierarchy that starts with God, who is the head of the Messiah, who is the head of the disciple, who is the head of his wife, who is head of the household, the children, and the servants.
Her Mitzvah
First, notice that Paul addresses this directive to women and not to men. When he says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Master," he is speaking not to husbands but to wives. Men wrongly have felt as if this directive, and many similar directives in the New Testament, grant them permission to spiritually bully their wives and force them to submit to their will and whim. That's not the case at all. It's her mitzvah and her prerogative, not his. It's not his job or responsibility to make her submit. It's not really even his business. He remains bound by the previous principle, "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." When Paul turns to the husbands to address them and their role in the relationship, he does not say, "Force your wives to submit to you." Instead, he tells them to love their wives as Messiah loves his disciples. Likewise, in the sister epistle of Colossians, Paul enjoins married men, "Love your wives, and do not be harsh with them" (Colossians 3:19).
Biblical Headship
Paul says, "For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior." The Torah explains that when a man clings to his wife, the two will become one flesh, that is, a new, single creature. This is why the New Testament can, on the one hand, refer to the disciples of Yeshua as "the bride of Messiah, and, on the other hand, describe the disciples of Yeshua as "the body of Messiah." A man's bride becomes his own self when he leaves his family and cleaves to her to create a new family. That's the biblical model. Husband and wife join to create a new identity that is compared to a new physical creature, "one flesh."
The man is to be the head of this one-flesh new creature. The woman is the body of the creature. In a similar passage, he says, "I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God" (1 Corinthians 11:3). This means that when a man is properly attached to his wife, he functions as her spiritual head, just as the Messiah is his spiritual head, and God is the spiritual head of Messiah. This idea of "headship" implies leadership and authority, but in this equation, it also implies completing a spiritual circuit between heaven and earth, where the human family reflects the divine family.
The Bible models a husband who loves his wife. Paul tells us that men are to emulate the Messiah in their love for their wives. He says, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25), a sentiment that evokes the image of a man crucified to the self on behalf of the marriage. This is sacrificial love. It allows no bullying; it does not force one's will on another. Instead, the biblical husband nourishes and cherishes his wife. One cannot cherish a person and at the same time disregard her wishes, opinions, preferences, and dignity. Christlike headship calls for servanthood. The Master considers heavy-handed authority and lording it over others as something one might expect of idolaters, but this kind of egoism is unworthy of his disciples.
In Paul's view of the marriage relationship, the husband is the head and the leader, which makes him the servant according to the kingdom's principles of inversion. Yeshua's disciples are taught to lead by servanthood, "for the Son of man came not to be served but to serve." The husband is to deal with his wife according to how the Master deals with his disciples and ultimately with all of Israel.
Respective Obligations
According to what Paul says here in Ephesians, women have two obligations to their husbands: to defer to them and honor them. What does it mean for a woman to honor her husband? We can derive that from Jewish law regarding the commandment to honor one's father and mother. It means that she doesn't contradict him, insult him, or embarrass him publicly. She doesn't appropriate his position, take his seat, or usurp his authority. She looks after him. She takes care of him.
The wife is told to defer to her husband and honor and respect him. But she is not told to love him.
Husbands have the much more difficult task of loving their wives. From this perspective, love is not merely affection or fond feelings but rather self-sacrifice, service, providing for her, and nurturing her. It's the taller order of the two, the more difficult of the two. Whereas she is called upon merely to defer to his leadership and offer him some civility and dignity, he is called upon to sacrifice his very self on her behalf, loving her as the Messiah loves his disciples.
The Cleansing
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25-27)
The cleansing and washing of water with the word borrows imagery from ritual purification and immersion. In Jewish tradition, the bride goes through a ritual immersion for purification before her wedding. This is what Yeshua does for his disciples "by the washing of water with the word, that is, his message and his teaching. He sanctifies, cleanses, and prepares his disciples for a metaphysical union through his teachings.
Because the Messiah cleaves to his disciples, he is able to spiritually cleanse them through the merit and virtue of his own righteousness and suffering. This is the forgiveness of sins that we find through the authority of his name. Like a husband who grants his name and legal identity to his wife, Messiah grants his righteous identity, "splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing" to his disciples so that we "might be holy and without blemish."
Love Your Wife as Yourself
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28)
Paul juxtaposes several different ideas in these words. The Torah teaches that the husband is to cleave to his wife so that they become, as it were, one new creature:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
In Paul's analogy, the Messiah is the man, the Heavenly Adam, who leaves the Father to cleave to his disciples so that we become one new man with him at the head. It's the metaphysical man about which we have been speaking. Again, this is why Paul can speak of the community of Yeshua's disciples on the one hand as the bride of the Messiah and on the other hand as the body of the Messiah. Because a man leaves his father and mother to cleave to his wife and becomes with her a new entity, a new creature: "For neither circumcision counts for anything, nor uncircumcision, but a new creation" (Galatians 6:15).
This is the idea behind his theology of the body of the Messiah.
However, it's not just theological mysticism. It has a practical application. Paul says, "In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." This is the marital application of the commandment that says, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Leviticus 19:18). A man's closest neighbor is his wife. The Bible calls her "a neighbor who cleaves closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). Paul explains that the commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself" especially applies to one's wife. He combines the commandment with Genesis 2:24:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast [cleave] to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
By becoming a new creature with his wife, the husband discovers that she is himself. Their identities have merged. As Adam said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." (Genesis 2:23). In other words, "She is me." We are the same creature. So Paul tells husbands, "Love your wife as yourself because she is yourself":
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. (Ephesians 5:29)
This passage alludes to a verse from Isaiah about giving charity and providing for the needy:
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? (Isaiah 58:7)
The rabbis interpreted the words "your own flesh" to mean not just your close relatives but specifically your wife. She is "his own flesh." She is the husband's first responsibility. He must share his bread with her, bring her into his home, clothe her, protect her, and provide for her.
A Profound Mystery
Paul's instruction is drawn from the very biblical and Jewish idea that a man joined to his wife becomes one flesh with her. Therefore, his love for her fulfills the commandment to love his neighbor as himself because she is actually himself. He sees in marriage a divine and spiritual union, a fractal—a repeating pattern on a different scale—of the spiritual realities that exist higher up on the spiritual hierarchy. Marriage uniquely illustrates the idea of distinction within unity. Within the body of Messiah, there are distinct members with distinct roles and functions:
As in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. (Romans 12:4-5)
Just as a husband and wife are one in marriage, yet remain differentiated one from another within the marriage, so too, everyone within the body of the Messiah participates in an overarching unity despite the differentiation of the members:
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32)
At the same time, this profound mystery has a simple, practical application. Paul concludes the thought on that practical application. Yes, it's a profound mystery, and he is speaking metaphorically about the Messiah and the community of his disciples-"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33).